NFL

O.J. to the 10…to the 15…Life!

It seems that the Juice has finally found his legal limit. After getting away with murder* 13 years ago to the day, O.J. Simpson was found guilty on all charges in Las Vegas, stemming from an incident where the Juice robbed some sports memorabilia cats at gunpoint.

From the Associated Press:

The 61-year-old former football star could spend the rest of his life in prison. Sentencing was set for Dec. 5.

A weary and somber Simpson released a heavy sigh as the charges were read by the clerk in Clark County District Court. He was immediately taken into custody.

The Hall of Fame football star was convicted of kidnapping, armed robbery and 10 other charges for gathering up five men a year ago and storming into a room at a hotel-casino, where the group seized several game balls, plaques and photos. Prosecutors said two of the men with him were armed; one of them said Simpson asked him to bring a gun.

How hard was it to just live out his life on his fat pension, knowing that he got away with murder, playing golf everyday? Apparently, just too difficult of a life for Mr. Juice.

Apparently, O.J. also forgot that if you are going to assault/rob-at-gunpoint/commit-major-felonies/murder-someone*, you are supposed to do it in California, where being a celebrity makes you above the law. Such a silly mistake, to bring his professional criminalling skills to a state like Nevada, that may actually prosecute properly this kind of crime.

On the bright side, with nothing more to lose, perhaps now we’ll finally get his admission of guilt and the true story of his wife and the waiter’s murder. He can’t make any more money now, so he might as well spill it.

And please, if you’re listening — to the people of Saturday Night Live: do whatever you have to do to get Norm McDonald hosting Weekend Update this week. Not only is he funny and you’re not, but this may be our last chance for a timely “HE’S A DOUBLE MURDERER” joke. Never gets old. (And seriously, Seth and Amy, you’re awful. Stop staring at the camera. We’re not laughing for a reason. We get it “Bush bad. Obama awesome. Palin crazy. We’re smarter than you.” You’re insulting and annoying. Everyone that has ever hosted weekend update is better than you. Everyone.) Sorry about that.

* - Allegedly

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