Hockey

Sean Avery: All Class, All the Time

Sean Avery, the easiest guy to hate in the NHL (if he’s not on your team) was at it once again, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, an athlete was suspended for comments about another player’s girlfriend.

Avery, of the aptly named Avery Rule, has a history of banging hot chicks, who then go on to bang other hockey players.

Let’s be honest — this incestuous jock/jock-sniffer relationship circle has been going on forever. It happens in every sport. The difference with Avery is that everybody knows who Elisha Cuthbert is. She is Jack Bauer’s daughter, so Avery best be watching what he says about her.

Anyway, so Kim Bauer used to bang Avery. Now, she bangs Dion Phaneuf of Calgary. So, prior to the game between Avery’s Stars and Phaneuf’s Flames, Avery called over the media to issue the following statement:

Translated:

“I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

Now, Avery is facing an indefinite suspension for making “inappropriate public comments, not pertaining to the game.”

I know that Avery likes to be an instigator, but come on. Really? Calling a press conference to tell some dude that he has your sloppy seconds?

I think the suspension is overboard. In hockey, he likely would have received far worse punishment during the game than a suspension. But Commissioner Gary Bettman should call it what it is. Aver was not suspended for “inappropriate public comments,” he was suspended for being an asshole.

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