Heavyweight titlist Vitali Klitschko is only interested in fighting Nicolai Valuev, who holds the only heavyweight belt not currently belonging to a Klitschko, or Lennox Lewis, the former champion who retired as such after beating Klitschko in 2004. Lewis hasn’t fought since that fight, which ended controversially, with Klitschko winning on all three cards, but unable to continue due to a terrible gash over his eye. Word around campus is that Don King will offer nearly $50 million to Lewis to come out of retirement to fight Klitschko.

Yahoo! Sports’ Kevin Iole says that no matter whose hand is raised following Saturday’s Bernard Hopkins - Kelly Pavlik fight, the loser is going to complain about the “terrible decision.” Barring a knockout, he is 100 percent correct about this.

Want a quick preview of every college basketball in the country. Here is a paragraph about all 341 of them. It’s actually quite impressive that for so many teams, they are actually quite detailed and not generic. (HT: Deadspin)

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done,” said Matt Stairs, clearly not thinking about the actual words coming out of his mouth.

The unfortunately misguided folks at PETA are calling for Big Brown to be castrated, so as to not create more weak-footed Big Browns. Let me say this, if you are a card-carrying member of PETA, you too should be castrated, so that there is no chance of you producing more idiots. You are incredibly uninformed people (especially about horse racing), in an incredibly pointless group, with no support for personal freedom, and I don’t feel bad at all about offending you. Now, I’m off to eat some veal, with a side of kitten.

Is Scott Kazmir pitching tonight to avoid umpire Derryl Cousins?

Diana Taurasi digs guys? I’m only kidding, Diana, but you understand that you play in the WNBA so it comes with the territory.

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Felix Hernandez hit a grand slam off of Johan Santana Monday, one of the most unlikely things to ever happen on the diamond, and ESPN’s crew of trivia-istas came to the rescue to help make sense of it all. Take it away Jayson Stark and Rob Neyer.

Joe Calzaghe is officially a free agent after parting ways with long time promoter Frank Warren. Warren had been pushing for Calzaghe to face Kelly Pavlik, but Calzaghe is adamant that he wants to go out against Roy Jones. Expect Calzaghe to make a strong push now at finalizing the Jones fight, while Pavlik will likely fight Sergio Mora or Marco Antonio Rubio later this year, before fighting Arthur Abraham in early 2009.

Barry Melrose was apparently de-blacklisted, as he is now the new head coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. The mullet is officially returning to the NHL.

Shaq’s freestyle rap this weekend may have cost him his ability to fight crime. Sheriff Joe wants Shaq to turn in his badges after the Big Aristotle was heard ripping Kobe a new one in a freestyle rap in New York.

Terry Bradshaw admitted taking steroids while he was playing football to recover from injuries. Shockingly, 30 years later, Bradshaw is not dead, nor has his “roid rage” forced him to kill anyone. I don’t even remember him hitting any home runs in his NFL days…

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So here are the five reasons that I will not be watching the NBA finals.

1. Two of the most unlikable sports cities in the world are represented.

There are no fans more annoying that this generations Boston sports fans, and no sports fans as front-running and generally bad than Los Angeles sports fans.

Boston fans used to have that Cubs-ish “lovable-loser” thing going, but the day they started winning, they did all they could to try to become that asshole Yankee fan that they’ve hated for their whole lives.

2. The NBA bores the shit out of me.

If I don’t have money on it, I can’t bear to watch even a quarter of a game. Seriously, it’s nothing but a one-on-one skills competition, with an exciting final two minutes. The only things worse than watching an NBA game is being at an NBA game. The annoyance level attending a game is through the roof. Between the non-stop music during the game and the highest level of annoying fans, attending NBA games is the only things worse than watching them on television.

At least the college game still has passion. The NBA has about ten players that play with passion and winning as the top priority. After Steve Nash, I have to think to come up with the rest of the list.

3. Kobe is no Magic.

Can you imagine Magic Johnson running Kareem out of town because of his ego? Can you imagine a book being written by his coach detailing what a terrible teammate Magic was? Can you imagine Magic flying to Denver for his sexual assault trial? I can’t either.

About the only reason to watch this series is to root against Kobe Bryant, but that’s not exactly what watching sports is all about now, is it?

4. It’s been 21 years — it’s no longer a rivalry.

Just because there were some good Finals series’ back in the 80’s doesn’t mean that I need to be force fed that history and told why I should care about this series.

There is no such thing as a rivalry in the NBA. Player turnover is too high. Yes, the fans may hate other cities teams, but the players don’t care at all because none of them have any personal history. The Yankees and Red Sox have the only legitimate professional rivalry now, and the Red Wings and Avalanche are probably next. Otherwise, there are just teams with fans that don’t like each other. That’s not a rivalry.

Rivalries are when a player gets another chance at the team that defeated his team in a prior year. And it happens more than once. When every team is different each year, there is not chance for a rivalry to develop.

In 2008, the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers have absolutely no rivalry. Zero.

5. It’s Turned Bill Simmons Into an Unreadable Homer (yes, even more than normal).

I love reading the Sports Guy columns, but I can’t handle another Boston sports hog-sucking marathon. I don’t give two shits about his buddy Sal’s thoughts on the finals. Articles one, two, a podcast, and some archives of three past articles on the Celtics and Lakers are too much for me to handle.

There used to be a time when Boston sports teams invoked sympathy, allowing us to pull for those teams if we had no other rooting interest to reward their suffering fans. Now, those same fans have become worse than the worst Yankees, Bulls, Duke or Cowboys fans from their peak days. These are the same Boston fans who are all slightly mentally unstable due to their hatred for said Yankees fans. Now they are just as big of an annoyance as any group of fans ever.

Between the Celtics, Patriots and Red Sox, Boston fans like the Sports Guy have gone through a transformation over the course of this decade, and have not recognized it yet.

This NBA Finals is being forced down our throats like we’re supposed to drop everything and care. I’m sorry Mr. Stern, but your product is infinitely worse now than it was 20 years ago, and I just don’t care.

Two of the all-time great video games are on the comeback trail. First, SPORTSbyBROOKS tells us that RBI Baseball is slated to possibly return for Xbox Live Arcade, then Deadspin fills us in on the new version of Tecmo Bowl, coming soon to a Nintendo DS near you.

“I keep thinking how strange it is … I kill a man and most people understand and forgive me. However, I love a man, and to so many people this is an unforgivable sin; this makes me an evil person. So, even though I never went to jail, I have been in prison almost all my life.” — Emile Griffith in “Nine … Ten … And Out! The Two Worlds of Emile Griffith” on being a gay boxer.

Carlos Guillen is struggling on a count of severe hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids so bad that they probably need to be lanced. If there’s ever personal information you don’t want the world to hear about you through the mouth of Jim Leyland, this is right up there. Between Guillen’s hemorrhoids and Kaz Matsui’s anal fissure, sports injury updates are getting far too in depth. I blame the fantasy folk.

Starting next season, the NBA will begin imposing fines for flopping. I think Rasheed Wallace said it best: “All that bull[expletive]-ass calls they had out there. With Mike [Callahan] and Kenny [Mauer] — you’ve all seen that [expletive]. You saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they’re calling that [expletive]. That [expletive] ain’t basketball out there. It’s all [expletive] entertainment. You all should know that [expletive]. It’s all [expletive] entertainment.” Poetic.

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Former light-welterweight champion Kostya Tszyu may be making a comeback…sort of. Tszyu is planning on taking on film star Jackie Chan in an exhibition to help promote the Olympic boxing tournament. The “fight” is tentatively scheduled for August 22 or August 23. Wow.

The Joan Guzman vs. Alex Arthur bout is back on now that Guzman’s visa issues have been cleared up. The fight will be rescheduled from it’s original May 3 date, but will still take place in Scotland.

Tyler Hansbrough is coming back for his senior season. I didn’t think we’d see a Player of the Year kind of player passing on going pro ever again. How ’bout that…

The Philadelphia Phantoms beat the Albany River Cats 3-2 in FIVE OVERTIMES in an AHL playoff game, setting an AHL record for the longest game. The losing goalie managed 98 saves in the loss.

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Dana White says he’d be willing to consider putting Kimbo Slice and Chuck Liddell together — if Slice ever beats “anybody that mattered.” I could see needing some credentials to fight Chuck Liddell circa 2003, but Liddell in 2008 is just a name. This would be the most over-hyped, non-important bouts in the history of fighting — MMA or boxing. This would be like doing Mike Tyson vs. Kimbo Slice, or Tyson vs. Liddell, and saying that the winner mattered.

Carmelo Anthony was arrested for DUI.

Herschel Walker has a new book out that documents his struggles with multiple personality disorder, as well as his suicidal past. Apparently, the Vikings just traded their future for the wrong personality.

-April Boxing Rankings are now up-

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Scott Morrison, the Big Sky Conference defensive player of the year, and Jeremiah Dominguez, the Big Sky player of the year, were arrested and held after beating Kyle Meagher, 23, of Michigan on Saturday in Cabo San Lucas.

Apparently, Meagher turned the two away from a VIP room he was overseeing as part of his work, which led to the altercation. According to the reports, “Morrison was the aggressor and Dominguez was an accomplice but did not physically attack Meagher.”

Among the disturbing details in the article:

“‘You couldn’t do damage like this with a baseball bat — it’s worse,’ said Alejandro Rojas, general manager of Balboa World Class Clinic, the hospital where a cabdriver took Meagher afterward. Rojas said that it was unclear what beyond fists may have been used in the attack but that upon arriving, the 6-foot, 170-pound Meagher’s lower jaw was broken in several places. He was choking on blood from severe internal bleeding.”

What does that even mean? You couldn’t do damage like that with a baseball bat? A reporter who saw the two men in jail said they had no marks on their hands, and the damage was worse than that done from a baseball bat. That is one serious beating.

The only reason these scumbags are back in the United States is because the victim’s mother has a heart, and didn’t want to see them stuck in prison in Mexico for years. So she agreed to a deal that would allow them to come home, after reaching a deal that would at least cover Meagher’s medical bills in Mexico.

The two have denied any involvement.

According to SPORTSbyBROOKS, Dominguez was quoted after winning his player of the year award as saying, “I kind of lead the way, leading by example.”

Is this really what we’ve come to — where a couple of hoopsters for a team that seemingly only exists for late-night gambling chaser action, feel the need to put someone in the hospital — in another country — for not letting them into the VIP area? Do they know what VIP stands for?

You were Big Sky defensive player of the year and player of the year. Congratulations on that, well done. But was it worth giving up any chance of playing competitive basketball again, and risk spending a few years getting beat down by the Federales to teach an uppity door man a lesson for rightfully keeping you NIP out of the VIP area?

Well done, (former) Portland State superstars. Way to make your school proud.

(Allegedly)

Cuban came under attack after the ban when bloggers around the nation all simultaneously pointed out that Cuban himself is a blogger, and questioned his ability to be in the locker room. They also pointed out that if not for the Internet, Cuban wouldn’t own the Mavericks. Personally, I don’t think there’s much logic to most of the criticism, but a lot of irony.

This week the NBA told Cuban that he could not bar bloggers from the locker room that are otherwise properly credentialed. Cuban replied by saying that he will not discriminate against any bloggers, and has encouraged all to apply for credentials, saying on his blog:

“So I invite any blogger to post samples of their work here as a comment. if its good, and I am the only judge, then you will get an email invite to get credentialed to cover a game in Dallas (its up to you to get there). I don’t care if you work for a major company, or are in 8th grade. All will be given equal access.”

Here’s the thing — I think Cuban was dead wrong the first time when he banned bloggers, and I think he’s even more wrong with this decision to let them all in. There was a simple solution in the middle, being to allow reporters that are properly credentialed to have proper access to the team. It doesn’t matter what your medium is, if you have a credential, you get the access. It’s that easy.

If Cuban didn’t want bloggers in the locker room for any reason, then those people should not have received credentials. A writer for the Dallas Morning News, even if he is just a blogger, was given a credential to cover games, and should get the same access as everyone else. If that particular reporter does something in violation of their credential, then you can revoke the credential — but you don’t limit their access.

I worked in the media for some time in Phoenix. I covered the Suns, Diamondbacks, Cardinals, Coyotes, Arizona State, and everything else that came to town, and I understand the process of covering games and getting credentialed. In defense of Cuban, I agree that your average “Joe blogger” doesn’t need to be in the locker rooms. There might be specific individual blogs/websites that have a purpose in the locker rooms, and I’d like to see them get an opportunity to be credentialed, but generally speaking, your average blogger does not need to be in the locker room.

What Cuban is doing now by opening the doors to anyone and everyone is just bad business. I feel for the rest of the Dallas sports media that work full-time jobs that include covering the Mavericks. These are the same people that cover the Cowboys and Stars, and I feel for them for the fact that they will now have to possibly share their limited work space with a bunch of people that are not there to cover the game.

While some bloggers may get the thrill of a lifetime covering a few games, they will take up space. They will take up resources, and they will not be familiar with media etiquette. I’ve covered hundreds upon hundreds of games in my life, and I’ll tell you right now — nobody knows their way around on the first day. Now Cuban wants to turn his locker room over to a bunch of first-time media guys.

This is wrong to do to the regular media and this is wrong to do to the players on the team. Do you think his players will be happy that some seventh grader is asking about his favorite food when they just lost a close game? Like it or not, it will happen if Cuban goes through with this.

A solution for integrating bloggers into the media is possible. The teams need to make decisions and stand by them. There are blogs and Internet sites that have qualified writers and legitimate reasons as to why they believe they should have a credential. If judged on a case-by-case basis, and held to professional standards, then issuing credentials to these sites is realistic.

In Phoenix, there is a website called Arizona Sport Fan Network (ASFN) that is part blog, part forum, but all fan-based. There was a period of two seasons (give or take) where ASFN was given credentials to cover practices and press conferences for the Arizona Cardinals. They were very non-invasive, usually seeking information from the other media folks, and they would do the occasional player interview as well. The Cardinals never gave them game credentials, and eventually told them that they wouldn’t be able to accommodate them anymore, but it was a system that worked pretty well.

I don’t see why blogs and Internet sites can’t have limited credentials. I don’t mean for every site, but for certain sites. Every team in every league is familiar with the popular message boards for their team and they know which sites should qualify for a credential. As long as bloggers understand their role, and don’t expect the amount of access that a beat writer gets, then this is a possible solution. The Mavericks themselves said they’d be willing to work on a case-by-case basis last year when a blogger applied for a credential.

I no longer cover games as a profession, but I obviously still write about sports. I would love to have access to some of the boxing matches in Las Vegas, but I have no interest in taking the seat of someone who needs to be there.

Both sides need to understand the other for this to work. Professionals in the media need to understand the power of the blog, and understand that information gathering is not the same as it used to be, and accept the fact that bloggers are their colleagues as well as their competition.

Bloggers need to understand that newspaper, television and radio outlets are still the top source of sports information. Bloggers need to understand that these are professionals who have worked their whole life to be where they are. Their job is their job, and not a hobby.

Bloggers need to let journalists do their job and not interfere with the system, and journalists need to welcome bloggers into the media fraternity. Both mediums will exist for as long as we can see, but both stand to accomplish different things.

The Dallas Mavericks, and particularly Mark Cuban, have the eyes of the Internet upon them, and must make the right move here. The right move is to allow the credentialed members of the media in Dallas full access, and judge any independent bloggers or Internet writers on a case-by-case basis.

If they want to be innovators, then the Mavericks could create a separate credential for bloggers for next season that has a separate media room, and limited seats in the arena (if any). Bloggers would be welcome to come to the game, get press releases, go to press conferences, and do post-game interviews, while at the same time being non-invasive.  Bloggers would have their access in this system, with the opportunity to prove they deserve a regular credential.

Cuban has a chance to stand up for that same Internet that made him, and do it in a way that fits in with the basketball team that defines him.

Basically, what it comes down to is that if Mayo leaves for the NBA, and he leaves academically ineligible, USC will lose a scholarship next year. The NCAA has an Academic Progress Rate (APR) that schools need to maintain in order to keep their scholarships. If USC falls below a certain level, they could lose scholarships.

The problem is that guys like Mayo show up to college knowing that they will likely only be there for one year, and they blow off their classes, particularly in the second semester. They go to class the first semester to maintain their eligibility, but when the second semester starts in January, the players know that the season is over before the semester. All they do is try to make it a few weeks, then they blow off their academics. By the time they would be ineligible, the season, and their college careers, are over.

If O.J. Mayo blows off this second semester, he stands to become academically ineligible. If he does become ineligible, USC may have to forfeit a scholarship. That has caused coach Tim Floyd to question the idea of recruiting players like Mayo, who know that they are one-and-done. There is almost no incentive for a student like Mayo, or Kansas State’s Michael Beasley, to focus on academics in their second semester. Of course, they could just do it for the education, but you can’t expect an 18 or 19-year old basketball player to do that.

With Mayo, it has come down to getting him to understand that he needs to work for a few more months for the good of the program. Unfortunately for these schools, not every athlete is going to understand, or even care about the good of the school argument. It’s a no-win situation for everybody. You can’t force a student who knows he is leaving to go to class, and it’s tough to penalize a program for what a former player did academically. All you can ask is that they have strict academic standards for as long as a player is enrolled at the school. But making them care once the season is over is on each program and coach, not the NCAA.

I don’t have a solution to this problem, only that it would make sense for the NCAA to look at these instances on a case-by-case basis. If they see that a student let his academics go after the season, when he already decided to go pro, it’s tough to penalize the school for that. There’s only so much you can realistically do.

I feel for Tim Floyd on this one, but only so much. When you recruit a one-year player, you have to know what you may be getting into. I stand by my earlier statement that USC fans are not going to be happy with the direction their team is taking in the coming years.

The bout between Mikkel Kessler and Edison Miranda is off. The fight, scheduled for May 24 on SHOWTIME, was agreed to by both parties last week, but Kessler’s people informed Miranda’s camp that they were pulling out of the fight. No reason has been given for Kessler’s sudden change of plans.

Kansas State head basketball coach Frank Martin believes that freshman phenom Michael Beasley will opt to enter the NBA draft next year. Coach Martin must not be that bright if he thought that Beasley was really considering returning to college.

Hat tip to SPORTSbyBROOKS for this story — don’t play Caddyshack at home. A couple of geniuses in Canada apparently tried to blast away their gopher — and started a 160 acre fire that caused nearly $200,000 in damages. While he may be great to quote, Carl Spackler is not necessarily one to emulate. Unless of course, you’re creating a hybrid grass of Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent, and northern California sinsemilla. I doubt these guys were even licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations…

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