Avery, of the aptly named Avery Rule, has a history of banging hot chicks, who then go on to bang other hockey players.

Let’s be honest — this incestuous jock/jock-sniffer relationship circle has been going on forever. It happens in every sport. The difference with Avery is that everybody knows who Elisha Cuthbert is. She is Jack Bauer’s daughter, so Avery best be watching what he says about her.

Anyway, so Kim Bauer used to bang Avery. Now, she bangs Dion Phaneuf of Calgary. So, prior to the game between Avery’s Stars and Phaneuf’s Flames, Avery called over the media to issue the following statement:

Translated:

“I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

Now, Avery is facing an indefinite suspension for making “inappropriate public comments, not pertaining to the game.”

I know that Avery likes to be an instigator, but come on. Really? Calling a press conference to tell some dude that he has your sloppy seconds?

I think the suspension is overboard. In hockey, he likely would have received far worse punishment during the game than a suspension. But Commissioner Gary Bettman should call it what it is. Aver was not suspended for “inappropriate public comments,” he was suspended for being an asshole.

In the best comeback since “jerk store,” a high school football team in Minnesota scored two touchdowns in the final five seconds of regulation, en route to an overtime victory. A 29-yard pass with five seconds left led to an onside kick that was recovered with enough time to run one more play for a touchdown. Sucks if you had the under…

The Cubs have exercised Rich Harden’s $7 million option for 2009. No word on if they got insurance for his impending trip to the 60-day DL.

Tim McCarver told the Philadelphia Inquirer that Manny Ramirez was “despicable” for the way that he treated the Red Sox, and compared him to Terrell Owens and Randy Moss for the way he held his franchise hostage. McCarver may be an idiot, and this was probably not the right thing to say, but based on the evidence, he’s right.

Donovan McNabb is “embarrassed” by his team’s performance this year, and by the way he’s played, he said in his Yardbarker blog.

If Manny Pacquiao agrees that he is putting his life on the line, what more do we need to stop this fight between him and Oscar De La Hoya? I really don’t want to see his career ended, but I have a bad feeling that I will watch Pacquiao’s career get beaten out of him.

Here’s eight questions about this NHL season that should make you feel like you know what’s going on in the league. I don’t expect you to watch any games, so this is your obligitory reading to at least know who the good teams are.

–News and Links Archive–

Former light-welterweight champion Kostya Tszyu may be making a comeback…sort of. Tszyu is planning on taking on film star Jackie Chan in an exhibition to help promote the Olympic boxing tournament. The “fight” is tentatively scheduled for August 22 or August 23. Wow.

The Joan Guzman vs. Alex Arthur bout is back on now that Guzman’s visa issues have been cleared up. The fight will be rescheduled from it’s original May 3 date, but will still take place in Scotland.

Tyler Hansbrough is coming back for his senior season. I didn’t think we’d see a Player of the Year kind of player passing on going pro ever again. How ’bout that…

The Philadelphia Phantoms beat the Albany River Cats 3-2 in FIVE OVERTIMES in an AHL playoff game, setting an AHL record for the longest game. The losing goalie managed 98 saves in the loss.

–News and Links Archive–

The brillaint people in Chicago have banned the sale of some quality Kosuke Fukodome shirts. It appears that a picture of a slanty-eyed Cub with Harry Caray glasses saying “Horry Cow” is offensive. Who would have guessed? Here’s the shirt.

Eli Manning got married to his college sweetheart. I’d make some stupid joke about the Mannings, but they are now both Super Bowl winners, and neither one of them has been involved in any shootings this year. I got nothing.

Kristian Huselius of the Calgary Flames hit a $1 million bet this weekend in Sweden betting on the horses. Hockey Player + Harness Racing Fan = My New Favorite Hockey Player.

–News and Links Archive–

As a former die-hard hockey fan, I’ve had a hard time readjusting to the new version of the NHL, but thanks to Alexander Ovechkin, Sidney Crosby and playoff hockey, I’m finally enjoying it once again. If at any point in your life you’ve enjoyed hockey, I challenge you to sit down and watch an entire playoff game this week. You’ll thank me.

Frank Thomas was released by the Blue Jays. Hell of a way for a 19-year veteran to act, and hell of a way for a team to treat him.

Here is the official scorecard for the Joe Calzaghe - Bernard Hopkins fight from Saturday, thanks to Fightnews.com. One thing of interest - the official scorecard reads that this fight was for the Ring Magazine World Light Heavyweight Title. I suppose this means that Ring Magazine is an officially recognized title? I thought it was interesting.

Danica Patrick won something and the man on the television told me I’m supposed to care. Why don’t I?

–News and Links Archive–

The incident in question involved Avery deliberately skating to the front of the net during a 2-man advantage and waving his hands and stick in front of Brodeur’s face, in an obvious attempt to distract and screen him. While many may applaud Avery’s “do what you gotta do” playoff mentality, the NHL apparently didn’t, and issued a notice to the league that what Avery did will from here on out be considered a penalty. It is now an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

The new rule now, as stated by NHL Director of Hockey Operations Colin Campbell is:

“An unsportsmanlike conduct minor penalty will be interpreted and applied, effective immediately, to a situation when an offensive player positions himself facing the opposition goaltender and engages in actions such as waving his arms or stick in front of the goaltender’s face, for the purpose of improperly interfering with and/or distracting the goaltender as opposed to positioning himself to try to make a play.”

If you haven’t seen the play, enjoy.

I’m torn on this one, as it is definitely a bush-league move, but it didn’t break a rule as he helped his team in the playoffs. I guess I’ll just say that as long as it was legal, I have no problem with it, and now that it is a penalty, I’m fine with that. But it was definitely bush-league.

Michael Farber of Sports Illustrated comes to Avery’s defense after the whole hockey world has come down on Avery for ruining hockey’s good name.

Many in hockey have come out bashing Avery for his amateurish moves, and about the only one who seemed fair about it was Brodeur himself, saying “I don’t think that kind of behavior should be done in front of the net, but there is no rule for it.”

Avery may be an annoyance, and he may be disliked by many in the league, but he broke no written rule here and was properly not penalized.

The guy finds ways to get under people’s skin, and this was just another way to do that. It’s playoff hockey, suck it up. If you don’t like it, hockey has ways to “take care of” players who break unwritten rules.